Don't make us get dogs to do our jobs!
So this morning at about 5:00 am I was laying in bed and there is some noise outside, people talking. Knowing that this is a theological college and everyone should be in bed I looked out the window to check it out, and sure enough there were these two guys trying to steal my friends motorcycle! Unbelievable! So I tried to dial 911, but unfortunately that doesn't work here (it is 999, I guess), so I found another student here (who was in the Army) and got him to call while I went downstairs to scare them off (or something, I don't know what I was thinking, it was too silly and too early). When I got outside they had turned on the bike, but had moved a house down and were working on stealing a car. So my friend and I walked over to them (again, not sure why), came up the the car and my friend (Nick Stott) says "Bad night? It just got a lot worse." Perfect. So this guy is getting out of the drivers seat when the first police unit shows up. Now things get interesting. He makes a dash for it, I got after him running down the street. There are two police officers, a woman and a man. They start shouting and the guy catches up to me and grabs me while I am running after the other guy. Now I know I must have looked like I was fleeing the scene, but seriously? Instead of us catching the criminal, he has me pinned and is asking me all sorts of questions while the woman has given up on catching the other guy.
Interestingly enough my friend back at the car doesn't know the cops have come and just assumes I went after the guy, so after holding the second man (there were three total) for a minute he lets him go assuming the police won't show up. Then when he sees they are there he starts chasing after the guy he released but is stopped...you guessed it...by a woman weilding a baton. I am sorry I missed out on that fun, I was detained elsewhere. So all three guys got away and we were pretty ticked, although by now about fifteen police officers had shown up (apparently 5:00 am is a pretty dull time in Oxford). So they staked out the area and called in the K-9 unit (for what?) to help. I was pretty sceptical at this point and cold.
I guess they can fix cars too!
But the dog unit arrived and started going into the garden area of Wycliffe and I was thinking "this is exactly why this is useless, there is no way the guy stayed this close." Then I hear some noise and the police officer yelling "Get out of there" and they actually caught one of the guys! The just down the road the third guy was "waiting" for a ride at the bus stop, we identified him and off he went too! Two out of three, not bad Oxford Police Force! Another hour and a half was spent filling out witness forms and drinking tea. Awesome!
So here are some reflections on the event:
1. K-9 units do much better work than average police officers, we should replace the entire force.
2. Women shouldn't be on duty officers. The guy that got away (although they may have picked him up later) was definitely catchable except that the woman couldn't keep up with him and the other officer and I were having our fun.
3. We should cut the Gospel writers more slack on inconsistences in the Scriptures of eyewitness accounts. Nick and I were both given our statements and I was comparing the details of our stories, which were quite different (I said one guy was 5'10'' and he said 5'0' - no difference there!) and we definitely saw the same thing! So I think the resurrection narratives look pretty good in my book.
4. British people drink tons of tea.
And two final comments to conclude the episode:
1. When the officer asked me for "just facts" I immeadiately thought of telling him that there are no such things, but I decided to accept the rules of the language game we were playing and everything went along fine. Silly modernist police force! That's for you Charles.
2. After the dog had been loaded back into the police car after the successful catch, the trainer said "Good work you bitch." Sounded weird, but I mean, I guess he is right. Still kind of weird though. But at least the dog didn't try and arrest us (again - superiority of police dogs to police officers).
Crazy story, eh?
posted by Hans-Georg Gadamer @ 8:12 am
10 comments
10 Comments:
good work, you bitch.
I think someone needs to create a superhero comic based on you. He could wear some kind of cassock-costume and fight baddies while affirming the objective nature of reality. Plus, he could go around to Christian schools and say things like "You know, catching bad guys and stopping crime won't guarantee my salvation..." Maybe he could even communicate with bitches (an incredible feat in either sense of the word).
Anyway, I'd read it.
I've been reading the Cambridge Companion to Wittgenstein this weekend and it's very frustrating.
Upon further reflection, I'm pretty sure you made up this whole story. I mean, it's way better than our stint in traffic court. Perhaps you felt the need to make up this story because of the guilt you feel over abandoning me at the bench because you had to blow your nose. Where were your priorities, man??
If this story is, in fact, true, it's amazing and should be recorded for your grandchildren.
Mair - I am not sure it beats the traffic court incident. That had an amazing breakfast right after - this only had breadsticks and tea. As far as the grandchildren go, I am having a hard enough time getting to the girlfriend stage, let alone two generations later!
You don't need a girlfriend to get started on progeny, man! Get to work.
Hans! Let's gay marry and get foster children! I'll cover health benefits if you can piggyback me into heaven!
Well if we go for that option (and I won't lose my job in ECUSA) we might be piggybacking, but probably not to the place you mentioned. But I may be persuaded if Blue Cross was on the offering.
Piggybacking... nice innuendo there Hans.
Adam, There are a few jobs going at the Oxford police department. I recon you should become a policeman with a dog collar!
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